Goddamn Soy Milk. I said Soy MILK. You heard me. Soy milk in your coffee? “You know <beat> humans are the only animal that drinks the milk of another animal.” I am so sick of hearing that. I have one thing to say to the next person I hear utter that phrase at the latte stand where I get my daily coffee. One compound word. BullSHIT!!!
First of all, it ain’t true. Humans might be the only animal that physically milks, that is, puts his/her hand on a teat of a cow or goat, and MILKS (verb) it. But don’t tell me that man is the only animal that drinks it. I’ve seen plenty of cats and dogs drink milk. And I’ll bet they aren’t alone.
On the topic of “milk,” it ain’t even milk. Soy is plant and plants can be juiced, not milked. I’m not the first person to notice this. It isn’t soy milk at all. It’s soy juice. And, if you want to put it in your coffee or on your Cheerios, be my guest. I don’t give a shit.
But humans i.e. Man, isn’t the only animals to drink cow milk. And even if humans were the only ones who drink milk so what?
Humans are the only animals who do a lot of things:
- Use WiFi in their homes.
- Play guitars.
- Build suspension bridges.
- Discuss the merits of getting a crown on a tooth.
Somehow, I think the milk thing is the least impressive thing of the lot. While we are on the subject, how did bull shit get this special place in the pantheon of other animals shit? At least it is what it is.
Soy milk?
Bullshit.
